Empathetic parenting

An Open Letter To Online Bullies


To the person who relentlessly finds ways to contact me to tell me to kill myself, this is for you.

The thing is, I’m not afraid of losing my reputation. 

I’m not afraid of standing here loud and clear and outing all the things about me. 

I am not afraid of who I am. The dark and the light.  

Anyone who would believe your lies about me, are not my people. You see, my people don’t buy into slander, gossip and bullying. They seek to understand, they accept me and they encourage me to always rise above.  They applaud my light, and they admire my shadow. They love my power without trying to take it away from me. Which is, what you are trying to do. 

I learnt a while ago, from you actually, that I had to get stronger. Stronger at knowing who the fuck I am. Stronger in my values. Stronger in my power. I had to know what a good person I am. And I do, know it. I had to learn how I have the power to guide people to the light. So I did. I had to walk away from the dark. And I succeeded.

I get it. You want me to die. So bad. You tell other people. You tell me. I hear you. You want me to be in pain. You want me to cease existing.

Here’s the thing, even if it was possible for you to succeed and push me over the edge, your victory would not last long. Just like Jack the ripper didn’t stop at one, neither would you. Your pain deep inside you, the disturbed way of messaging another human, the relentless need to inflict pain, it wouldn’t go if I dissapeared.

Please seek support. Professional support. This is beyond a catty bitch sending some gossipy shit to her slutty girlfriends. OK. You need help, this is serious shit. You have children right? You realise if you continue to behave this way, the chances of them ending up beating you and their girlfriend is humongous. You do realise its sadistic?


I get it, hurt people hurt people. Maybe this will give you a rise even. But maybe just maybe you will realise that it is not healthy to justify and normalize that stirring of sickness you feel inside yourself towards me. 

As for me, you are supporting me in becoming bulletproof. I don’t feel jealous when you send photos implying sexual scenes of my ex. I don’t get worried when you accuse me of having an affair with a married man. I don’t freak out about the naked photos you pretend you have of me and some guy. Didn’t you know I went chaste and can count on half a hand the men I’ve been with this year? I don’t even flinch at the “kill yourself” comments.

I do worry about your sanity. It’s so dark. It’s really worrying. Do you think it is normal to tell someone to kill themselves with their daughters shoelaces? I wonder how did you become like this? Do you know what hurts you so much? Why I such a threat to your life? It made me chunder last night, the energy, it;s so dark. My body doesn’t want a bar of it. 

How do you live out your days like this? You must be in so much inner turmoil.

Don’t you realise I’m not responsible for your pain?

Seek support. Urgently.

And yes, I am a life coach. And yes, I do like money, love money. And yes, I have no shame in being paid to support people through pain. In fact I enjoy making money whilst working with people through their pain.

And no, I do not take responsibility for those who feel dis-empowered by what I write. And no, I don’t believe I ‘deserved’ the painful times. 

And no, you are not powerful enough to push me over the edge. 

Coz guess what, I AM the edge!


AUSTRALIA – National helplines

There are several organisations that provide much of the support and education for people with mental illness and their families and carers throughout Australia.

Some of the main groups are listed below.

beyondblue aims to increase awareness of depression and anxiety and reduce stigma. Call 1300 22 4636, 24 hours / 7 days a week.

Blue Knot Foundation Helpline (formerly ASCA Professional Support Line) provides help, information, support or referral for adult survivors of childhood trauma and abuse, their partners, family and friends, health professionals and anyone in the workplace working with people who have experienced childhood trauma and abuse. Call 1300 657 380, 9am-5pm AEST / 7 days a week.

Butterfly Foundation’s National Helpline, ED HOPE, is a free, confidential service that provides information, counselling and treatment referral for people with eating disorders, and body image and related issues. Call 1800 33 4673, 8am-midnight AEST / 7 days a week.

eheadspace provides mental health and wellbeing support, information and services to young people aged 12 to 25 years and their families. Call 1800 650 890, 9am-1am AEST / 7 days a week.

Kids Helpline is Australia’s only free 24/7 confidential and private counseling service specifically for children and young people aged 5 to 25. Call 1800 55 1800.

Lifeline provides 24-hour crisis counseling, support groups and suicide prevention services. Call 13 11 14.

MensLine Australia is a professional telephone and online support and information service for Australian men. Call 1300 78 99 78, 24 hours / 7 days a week.

MindSpot is a free telephone and online service for people with stress, worry, anxiety, low mood or depression. It provides online assessment and treatment for anxiety and depression. MindSpot is not an emergency or instant response service. Call 1800 61 44 34 AEST, 8am-8pm (Mon-Fri), 8am-6pm (Sat).

QLife provides nationwide telephone and web-based services to support lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) people of all ages. Call 1800 184 527, 3pm-12am (midnight) AEST / 7 days a week.

PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) provides a national telephone information, counselling and referral service staffed by trained volunteers, professional counsellors and supervising staff. Many helpline counsellors have had their own experience of perinatal depression or anxiety. Call 1300 726 306, 9am-7:30pm AEST (Mon-Fri).

SANE Australia provides support, training and education enabling those with a mental illness to lead a better life. Call 1800 18 7263, 10am-10pm AEST (Mon-Fri).

Suicide Call Back Service provides 24/7 support if you or someone you know is feeling suicidal. Call 1300 659 467.

Open Arms — Veterans and Families Counselling provides 24/7 free and confidential, nationwide counselling and support for war and service-related mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance and anger. Call 1800 011 046.

Learn more here about the development and quality assurance of healthdirect content.

NEW ZEALAND – National helplines

Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor 

Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)

Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)

Healthline – 0800 611 116

Samaritans – 0800 726 666 


Depression-specific helplines

Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757 or free text 4202 (to talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions)

www.depression.org.nz – includes The Journal online help service

SPARX.org.nz –  online e-therapy tool provided by the University of Auckland that helps young people learn skills to deal with feeling down, depressed or stressed 

Sexuality or gender identity helpline

OUTLine NZ – 0800 688 5463 (OUTLINE) provides confidential telephone support 

Helplines for children and young people

Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat

thelowdown.co.nz – or email team@thelowdown.co.nz or free text 5626 

What’s Up – 0800 942 8787 (for 5–18 year olds). Phone counselling is available Monday to Friday, 12noon–11pm and weekends, 3pm–11pm. Online chat is available from 3pm–10pm 7 days a week, including all public holidays. 

Kidsline – 0800 54 37 54 (0800 kidsline) for young people up to 18 years of age. Open 24/7. 

Help for parents, family and friends

Commonground – a website hub providing parents, family, whānau and friends with access to information, tools and support to help a young person who is struggling.

EDANZ – improving outcomes for people with eating disorders and their families. Freephone 0800 2 EDANZ or 0800 233 269, or in Auckland 09 522 2679. Or email info@ed.org.nz

Parent Help – 0800 568 856 for parents/whānau seeking support, advice and practical strategies on all parenting concerns. Anonymous, non-judgemental and confidential.

Family Services 211 Helpline –  0800 211 211 for help finding (and direct transfer to) community based health and social support services in your area.

Skylight – 0800 299 100 for support through trauma, loss and grief; 9am–5pm weekdays.

Supporting Families In Mental Illness –  For families and whānau supporting a loved one who has a mental illness. Auckland 0800 732 825. Find other regions’ contact details here.

Other specialist helplines

Alcohol and Drug Helpline – 0800 787 797 or online chat

Are You OK – 0800 456 450  family violence helpline

Gambling Helpline – 0800 654 655

Anxiety phone line – 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY) 

Seniorline – 0800 725 463 A free information service for older people

0508MUSICHELP – The Wellbeing Service is a 24/7 online, on the phone and in-person counselling service fully funded by the NZ Music Foundation and provided free of charge to those in the Kiwi music community who can’t access the help they need due to hardship and other circumstances. Call 0508 MUSICHELP.

Shine –  0508 744 633 confidential domestic abuse helpline

Quit Line – 0800 778 778 smoking cessation help

Vagus Line – 0800 56 76 666 (Mon, Wed, Fri 12 noon – 2pm). Promote family harmony among Chinese, enhance parenting skills, decrease conflict among family members (couple, parent-child, in-laws) and stop family violence

Women’s Refuge Crisisline – 0800 733 843 (0800 REFUGE) (for women living with violence, or in fear, in their relationship or family)

Shakti Crisis Line  0800 742 584 (for migrant or refugee women living with family violence

Rape Crisis – 0800 883 300 (for support after rape or sexual assault)


Warmlines for consumers of mental health services

Free peer support services for people experiencing mental illness or those supporting them

Canterbury and West Coast  03 379 8415 / 0800 899 276 (1pm to midnight, seven nights)

Wellington 0800 200 207 (7pm–1am, Tuesday to Sunday)

Auckland Central 0508 927 654 or 0508 WARMLINE (8pm to midnight, seven nights)

See also: Apps, e-therapy & guided self help


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