Over the years I have made my fair share of fuck ups. Selfish moves. As have all humans and over the past 6 months I’ve done alot of thinking around apologies in relation to empathy, forgiveness and intention.
The ‘trend’ right now is around spiritually evolving and becoming a ‘better’ person and I understand that alot of people are encouraged to right the wrongs. Apologise for behavior.
As a coach I always bring everything back to taking responsibility and cleaning up mess. I always want to know if involving another party is about you, or about them? Is it taking responsibility and offering something to them, or is it to satisfy your own needs?
A classic example of this is when a mistress tells the wife saying the wife should know. This is always about the mistress and never about what is right for the wife. Another example of this is if you have cheated, and are wondering if you should ‘fess’ up.
It is through both soul eyes and ego eyes that I write this piece. It is for those who have some heavy shit weighing on their souls that must be transmuted for the betterment of our society. My perspective is that of transmuting energy and not transferring it. I encourage you to explore the truth. To dig deeper. To do the work.
Energy never lies.
I’ve previously blogged around forcing children to apologize when they don’t mean it. I am not a fan. I believe that society has taught us that if we say sorry, then that is acceptable for us to behave that way and then furthermore, they force the other party to accept the forced aplogy! I believe it is a process that goes much deeper. Apologies need to be sincere.
First lets look at whether it could be beneficial to apologize, and then we can look at the how and process in the next blog.
Determining if an apology is helpful:
Here are some questions to ponder if you feel you need to apologize or tell someone something YOU think they should know.
1) Who is this for? You or them. Honestly, truly? What is your motivation behind this? What do you have to gain? What has sparked this? Is it to make your life easier? To get it off your chest? What is your core motivator? Whats the pros and cons?
2) Will this bring them ease or will it stir up pain? Is it meant to bring you peace to tick your box of “I tried, I am now good enough?” What is in it for them? Do they want to hear from you? What else is going on in their life? Is not a good time for them? Will they appreciate the apology?
3) Can you truly empathize with the other party? Have you put yourself in their shoes? Have you imagined the damage you may have caused? Does your apology match the pain?
4) What is your relationship? Is this a relationship that previously was valuable for you both? Are they a family member? Do you actually care or love them? Respect them? Who are they to you and why is it important to you that they know you are sorry?
5) What is your underlying energy towards them? Do you hold resentments toward them still? Are you still mad at them? Are you at peace with them? Have you done forgiveness work on yourself?
6) Have you taken radical responsibility? Do you own all of it, 100% of your actions? Do you accept that no one and nothing else is to blame regardless of the situation?
If this is about you:
Don’t do it. Do not drag another person into your healing unless you believe they can heal with you, and would be willing to do so.
Instead, work on forgiveness of yourself. Work on those whose apologies would be accepted and appreciated.
If you have empathy & this is for them:
Remember words are just words. Energy is energy and it is the energy of an apology that will determine if it has a good outcome or not. As with everything.
When we speak from our heart, it is with few words. As you know, hearttruth is one of my core values and our heart, our souls, don’t dabble in thinking and explanations. It speaks with energy. The delivery will always be accepted.
I know this is a really bold statement to make but it is one I have experienced first had, coached people through and hold as a strong belief. People always accept good energy. Even narcissists. Like moths to a flame.
Remember if you are apologizing, explanations are not needed. Empathy is everything. It has to read I CARE ABOUT YOUR PAIN. It can not be, here is why I did it.
The explanation may only be needed if the other party is willing to have a conversation around the event and if this is a main relationship in your life, I would encourage to seek professional support with the inner work.
Of course, it does depend on who you are apologizing with. Some people are not willing to forgive full-stop and my recommendation on that would be, work on you and leave them be. They have their path, you have yours. You can not force someone to accept you.
Don’t expect other people to accept your attempt at being a better person. It’s on you. It’s how you react to their response or reaction. It’s how you continue to grow rather than get mad at them for not giving you what you want.
My next couple of blogs will be around receiving apologies, forgiveness work and being swept up in a mans mess. If you follow me on instagram you would have seen I had some interesting situations in the weekend, which were very tempting.
Integrity is everything. Energy doesn’t lie. Contact me to apply for coaching if you are looking to improve relationships in your life. You change, things change. It is spiritual law.
– April B
Through The Dark Support Program
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The world needs more parents to stand up and stand for their children whilst being assertive and raising decent human beings. The struggle is real. Too many parents are hiding in their homes wishing and hoping, scrolling instagram while their homes slowly fall apart, their souls are slowly crushed and their children are feeling unstable. Right?
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The Power Of Questions
Being Confident To Be Ourselves Is Key
People often underestimate the power of being ourselves. The power of acceptance of our feelings and the consciousness to not behave through our emotions.
People still believe that authoritative “I’m the boss’ parenting is the only way. That being the controller will bring peace and contentment? Yet, it never has.
They believe that they have to live a hard challenging life and that’s just the way the cookie crumbles, but who even wants a crumbled cookie?
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I Understand How You Are Feeling
I have walked the path of letting go and rebuilding
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