Come back to my house, my wife and the kids have gone away for the night.
Boom. Snap back to reality!
I didn’t care when he told me he was married because my friends at the time told me “if not you, it will be someone else. You may as well”. So I did. I flirted. I laughed. I danced. I wanted him. And, I always got what I wanted.
I didn’t care who knew. I didn’t care that his wife was suspicious and poured her drink over my head calling me a slut. I didn’t care. Because my boyfriend had been fucking every single girl in town and I had zero respect for other woman, and even less for men. I just wanted what I wanted, and quite simply put, I knew I could have it.
At 19, I did not care. Until one steamy night in the car he said the above line to me. ‘..wife…..kids…..’. And boom. All desire left my body. Jesus fucking christ. That’s what I said to him. I can’t do this, get your hand out of my skirt. I remember getting out of the car feeling so full of shame, yet somehow proud. I never touched him again after that or a married man, as far as I know.
I disliked myself for the longest time because of how I chose to let my friends influence me to go against my better morals. I knew it was not a nice thing to do. I knew that he was married. Honestly, there was not a week that didn’t go by that I didn’t worry that karma was coming for me. Until it did.
Yet it didn’t. That was a stupid thing I believed because I decided I was not worthy of faithfulness and loyalty. Yet I was.
We all do things we aren’t proud of. No seriously, we ALL DO! If you think you don’t, you are full of shit. Honestly. We all do selfish, spoilt rotten things.
It doesn’t define tomorrow. It only defines yesterday.
You know what? That cold morning as I walked into my bedroom with my head hung low I vowed I would never ever ever step into another persons relationship again. I promised myself that I would become the most faithful female on the planet.
Ladies, if there are children involved I am telling you, it hurts them. When mum hurts, kids hurt too. Don’t be that person.
It’s hard once you have started with a man that’s married, I get it, I really do. If I could turn and walk away, so can you. And if you need that support, Ill walk you through it. I don’t care what you have done, I care that you are willing to change. Don’t become the mess another mum has to clean up after.
Oh and also, I’ve decided I can finally forgive myself for the the hot married DJ I seduced, because I am in charge of my forgiveness.
Be true. Be kind.
– April B
Hi you guys, I'm April B
and that, is my daughter Addi.
Sup Party Peeps!
Born and bred in New Zealand where I live with my daughter. A lover of all things spiritual, plants and a good dance. I don’t do surface level and I have the ability to go where no one else goes. I’m not for everyone, yet I may well be for you.
𝗜 work with parents to show them how to connect with their children and find new ways of parenting.
Teach you how to follow your intuition so that you can create happy relationships with your children, break negative relationship patterns and find happiness that you have never found before.
“The world needs more people to stand up and stand for freedom, whilst being assertive and raising decent human beings. The struggle is real.”
About me. Well I’m 50 shades of a human and 10 shades of woowoo. I have a daughter at primary school who took me 4 years to conceive.
I’m almost divorced and proud of that. I’ve done the big house, big business, big penis, big car, big full of shit life thing.
Just saying, there is more to life than big, like how you USE it!
Through The Dark Support Program
Designed To Bring You:
Clarity | Connection | Courage | Confidence
YOUR CHILDREN NEED YOU TO HAVE CONFIDENCE
Our children right now are growing up in the ‘See me, hear me, understand me’ generation. You were raised in the ‘seen not heard’ generation who have taught you that its not possible to have a equal relationship with your children, you must dictate. They have taught us that we didn’t matter as children and that we are spoiling our children and raising a generation of brats.
It IS possible, to BE DEEPLY CONNECTED with your children.
The world needs more parents to stand up and stand for their children whilst being assertive and raising decent human beings. The struggle is real. Too many parents are hiding in their homes wishing and hoping, scrolling instagram while their homes slowly fall apart, their souls are slowly crushed and their children are feeling unstable. Right?
What is stopping you from parenting with more love, more peace and freedom? Why can’t you wake up with energy and love for the school morning? Why can’t you be in a happy loving and trusting relationship AND have confident children? Why can’t you have your freedom to be yourself?
These are questions that you could answer, if you truly want to? During the times leading up to my divorce with my baby daddy, I struggled to find the answers to these questions. To find clarity of who I was, what I wanted and how to stop yelling.
I was in pain. I was so LONELY! To the point I wanted to write ‘so’ with ten o’s. Soooooooooo Lonely. Anxiety. I so badly wanted to be able to dance when I wanted, sing when I felt it and be PRESENT with my daughter.
I Am Walking Proof
I couldn’t find mums or families who set the example of the person I wanted to be. And yet here I am, living this life with CONFIDENCE, BEING ME.The freedom to travel. The trust in myself. More acceptance in my role as a mum. More empathy. More patience, understanding, fun, intuition. Are these not the things that you desire to have?
Can You Really Have Freedom?
YES YOU CAN have all these things, I am living this life right now. A life where I spend most my days feeling gratitude and love. Days full of connection with deep friendships. Doing work that I adore and that excites me deeply. Feeling in love with my daughter and at peace co-parenting. Knowing that my daughter has more connection with both her parents now than she ever did before. Isn’t that the goal?
Children need you to be yourself. When you know how to be confident within yourself as a empathetic present parent and you have turned up your intuition, you will be that person in your family that can show others how it is a possibility. You will be the key for changing the entire dynamics. You can forgive your parents for the things they did not know, and teach them new ways.
You will find that you start to create again, find hobbies and enjoy life again. To create again. To play with your children. To laugh. To have incredible sex once again. To feel amazing naked. To dance in the mirror. You will start to get back on your true path and begin to accept yourself as a whole. The dark, and the light. Don’t you want this?
The Power Of Questions
Being Confident To Be Ourselves Is Key
People often underestimate the power of being ourselves. The power of acceptance of our feelings and the consciousness to not behave through our emotions.
People still believe that authoritative “I’m the boss’ parenting is the only way. That being the controller will bring peace and contentment? Yet, it never has.
They believe that they have to live a hard challenging life and that’s just the way the cookie crumbles, but who even wants a crumbled cookie?
We all want the same things. To feel empathy, intimacy, safety. To feel accepted and a belonging. FREEDOM!