What did that line elicit in you? Are you pulling out the popcorn expecting a drama to unfold, or are you simply quizzical? Well my dears, it is valentines day. A day to celebrate love.
They say to filter the writing, don’t write with raw emotion. Don’t write from my heart. I say, get fucked.
Dear ex husband on valentines day. Thank you.
The things I want to say to you. And simply do not. For sake of boundaries. For sake of fostering our relationship for my daughter. Your daughter. Our daughter. The most important thing we will ever do, is learn to co-parent with love.
Thank you for being with me during the times I was low. I understand you feel that you were not and in many ways, you were not. But, never did you just pack up, cut the spiritual tie and walk away. Have you truly felt my gratitude for what we once had?
Love is easy. Relationships are work. It can look like a failure to end a marriage, or it can look like an achievement to have related to another for so many years. I celebrate our marriage as an achievement. In an age where people treat each other as replaceable, I would say, we did well.
I feel so much pride in how you show up for our daughter. The bond you foster with her fills my heart. There were times I felt that maybe, maybe I was wrong. Maybe the naysayers were right. You would just walk away from her, it’s too hard. I’m too hard. There is too much pain.
There were times I watched our daughter bedridden, her spiritual pain manifested as a fever. And I feared the naysayers were right, I joined her in that pain. It was challenging, to find the moments that I could replay, to remind me, that no, no they are not correct. That you would never release that bond you share with your daughter.
Some people do not love their children’s fathers and that is their choice. I wish to always hold a space for your in my heart. And I thank you, for giving me back my heart. For allowing me the choice to do with it as I choose. I thank you for showing up for your daughter during the times you felt cages, ridiculed, judged and simply, fuking crucified. I honour your strength to continue to walk towards her heart.
The greatest gift you have ever given me is the gift of love. From the moment she was inside my belly I have never been the same. And now, this is the gift that I will use to share with the world. As I rise up, I will always acknowledge that I am not a solo mother. Our daughter has 2 parents who both equally contribute to the amazingness that she is.
The many days you worked int he heat of the sun, the same sun we get up early to enjoy. The nights you did not sleep while you laboured on the roads. The meetings you endured to provide for us. Although it is not the way you would choose to be if you had a do over, I thank you. I thank you for teaching us contrast. Teaching us what perseverance and dedication looks like.
I may never have publicly acknowledged your turmoil in the falling of what once was great. The emotions that flooded your every cell. Let it be now that I acknowledge, that between the start and the ending, there once was love, safety, nurture and support. Without this relationship, I am not sure I would have ever understood what unconditional love truly is.
I have no desire to possess you. To control your behaviour or being. How you act in this world. I hurt when you hurt yet I don’t feel this need to self sacrifice for you. I love you from afar and its one of the most beautiful feelings I have ever felt. My future husband will simply need to accept that, for me, just because a relationship has ended, does not mean that my love does.
I am unsure if this will ever fall before your eyes for I certainly wont be telling you of this. But if it does, if this is you, greenish brownish female sheep. May you feel the warmth of the sunlight rather than the harsh heat of anguish. Namaste