How do you know it’s working?
This empathetic conscious confident parenting thing?
Well here’s an example. Last Friday night I wanted to whip out for a couple of hours and leave Addison with a friend. No problem right. Shes 7.
Well when we arrived she got clingy. And then she told me she didn’t want to stay the night and wanted me to come back for her. At like 10pm. Bedtime is 8pm.
So first of all I did the impatient I want to go out, stop this, its silly, non conscious parenting reaction: “don’t be silly you can’t come and its far to late go to sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow!”
Then she shared her feelings through tears. “I feel like you’re kicking me out of the house” (Context behind this, she has a lot going on with not seeing her dad at the moment and him moving out of our family home etc)
Then conscience parenting reaction: “you feel like I’m kicking you out of the house?” (paraphrase), oh my darling they must be scary!’ (Validation)Tears stopped and in a small voice, “Yes mummy can’t you come back for me please?”
I empathized with her and made a conscious choice based on an informed snapshot of her life that yes, yes I can pick you up and drag your heavy arse home and carry you in the house with one arm trying not to drop you.
So how do we know its working?
- It’s working because she felt safe enough to share her fear and feelings with me
- Its working because I felt patience and intention to understand her
- Its working because we both got what we needed
- It’s working because I’m being aware.. Aware that she has these big feelings and I must accommodate for them.. But not at the expense of my boundaries
- It’s working because I feel confident that I am connected, aware and intuitively guided to know how to guide her through this transition of her life.
Oh and in hindsight, she spent most that night whimpering in her dreams and she woke with a huge fever. Looks like it pays to listen.
Its working. Trust me. And if its not, reassess what you are doing. xo